I had been diagnosed with anxiety and depression by one too many doctors, but all my therapy and the medications given to me, were doing absolutely nothing to help. I was beginning to see some results of the therapy, but was so frustrated because nothing seemed to change.
I wanted change, and to live, with ALL my being.
But, I’m impatient.
I didn’t have to beg my therapist, but I did a little pleading for her to refer me to a Neuropsychologist for testing. I wanted to get to the source of my problems to begin a targeted treatment plan.
When I returned to receive my test results, I was a bit surprised by one result.
Since I was going through grief, I knew I was depressed. I didn’t know I was severely depressed. I knew that I had an anxiety problem, because I had lived with that annoyance for far too many years. I didn’t know I had ADD. I thought my memory, or attention span, was linked to depression/grief/anxiety–or the stinkin’ medications.
That ADD diagnosis explained a lot of why I struggled throughout school, and didn’t finish college.
The Neuropsychologist sent me on my way, with a list of pill pushers and a recommendation for a book.
Again, sorry for the repeat—I saw the pill pusher, and I am ever so thankful I did. Even if my insurance wouldn’t have covered my sessions with him, I would have worked for a solution to pay the bill. He was THE key for my personal experience to a clear mind, and to recognize the part I play on the road to recovery, and management of my illness.
What quite a few mental illness sufferers don’t recognize, medication or therapy alone, are only part of recovery and management. We are required to participate, and there is a lot of inner work to be done if we every want to succeed. WE play a major role.
Here is my self-help therapy collection. Guess how many places I had to go to round these up? 😀 Some of them are to inspire me to live a healthy life style by eating and exercising, but most of them are to change my way of thinking.
I have two cassette tape collections, so you can see how far back I started my collection. Actually, I recall the first collection I purchased when I was 22, and I was tired of the road to self destruction. I listened to the tapes – but never finished the program. Drinking and reckless behavior were easier. I didn’t want to face the fact that I was responsible for applying what I learned through the tapes.
—Shrek was obviously part of my self-help, because I found the dvd in a box with some of my self help books. I love Shrek. All the movies are worthy of a good belly laugh.
ADD is also why I have the organization problems I struggle with. Why I scatter things. Why I can’t finish a project. Why I flit from project to project. Or why I sit in a daze because I’m too overwhelmed.
Knitting small projects with quick results have been a great encouragement for finishing projects. They are proof that I can start a task and have the determination to finish. It started with knitting a bunch of hats for newborns, after my dad died. It was very cathartic to knit hats for the new little people coming into our world, while grieving the loss of one of my foundation supports.
I imagine I have procrastinated long enough, and it is time to read the book recommended by the Neuropsychologist. I have a goal to read all these self help books and listen to the cassettes. Yes, I still have a cassette player to listen to them, and a VHS player to watch the video tapes. 😀
Okay–I promised myself I would be productive today. I have had so many ideas for blogs that I have been writing for days. Posts for other days–or the trash pile.
Within realistic, set goals, I’m going to reach each and every one of them today.
Whether I can keep my attention on one task at a time, will be a challenge. I want to reach that end goal, and I know I can do it!