Oh, I have no title for this one…..

Years ago, I learned to get a copy of every test result taken on my body. From blood, to toxic tests such as x-rays and CT scans. I get copies of ALL of them. If I can’t speed read in the torture room, and question anything I don’t understand, I return home, obtain a second opinion from Dr. Google—and if I still can’t find an answer, I will call the doctor for clarification…or make another appointment. I have found that we must advocate for ourselves.

I “shop around” for the most honest, blunt, pull-no-punches type of torturer. (if you haven’t guessed, that is what I call doctors because each and every one of them will find a way to torture us)

The last couple of visits to my Blunt Oncologist, she entered the room with a, “I have good news”. Yesterday, she was full of chatty small talk.

I smelled a fish.

Now I’m onto her, I discovered her clever mind-trick, and I will be prepared next time, and be on my game to barrage her with questions. She knocked me off balance by seducing me with chit-chat, and I wasn’t prepared to interrogate her.

I like to have a comfortable relationship with my torturers. I need to find out if they are human, after all. With the exception of Twilight Zone Pulmonologist, I’m sure mine are. However, I’m a let’s-just-get-to-the-point-chat-later, type.

I received the news as I expected I would. The same stoic reaction I have to all emergency, or emotional events. My therapist has done a wonderful job of helping me recognize what my mind is processing. Most of the process is asking myself – what can I do about it?

I patiently waited while Blunt Oncologist rattled off the findings of my scan results. I waited for the diagnosis and plan of attack, which I received.

I can differentiate between what I have control of, and situations I have to wait out, which I don’t have any influence, or control of.

So—what am I annoyed with this morning?

On the print-out she gave me regarding what we discussed, was the word overweight. Wut? All we talked about was getting out and sitting in the pollen infested air, and soaking up some sunshine. Hello? I have asthma, and the pollen seriously screws with my lungs–don’t you know that?

She also went on to say, that exercise will help clear my mind, warding off depression.

All things I know.

I also recognize that I have 25-year-old pregnancy fat to shed, and I have no excuse for hanging onto it, other than the fact that I don’t consistently eat healthy, and my exercise consists of toddling around the grocery store, and loading my shopping bags into the car.

Why couldn’t Blunt Oncologist, or my Primary Torturer just say—you have to shed x amount of pounds? You are not in the healthy range? Why skirt around the issue?

Just say it like it is—you’re overweight, lose the pounds.

So, on the way home, I bought a bag of spice drops and enjoyed each and every one of them–except the purple ones. We didn’t have a healthy dinner last night, and probably won’t tonight.

I may not have control over whether or not cancer is incubating in my body, but I can control how much I feed it, and I can exercise away that baby fat.

And that’s what I intend to do–tomorrow. πŸ™‚

Seriously, that’s what I’m going to do because that is what I CAN control.



About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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22 Responses to Oh, I have no title for this one…..

  1. My report would probably say the same thing. I know my BMI is in the overweight category … if only I could grow a little taller…

    Good luck with the exercise!

    • April says:

      Thank you! Maybe I’ll make it to 20 times of letting the dog out before noon today!

      • That’s how I get most of my exercise: letting my 3 cats in and out. And of course they all want in and out at separate times, so it’s a constant up and down. I wonder if they do it on purpose.

  2. You are really going on in a great way for you now April.
    I hope, you will find out, how much it can help you πŸ™‚

  3. suzjones says:

    That’s great that you have that mind set. You know there were probably a thousand reasons why she didn’t say it you know but there is no point in blaming her for not saying it. lol Good luck with getting that extra bit of exercise. Every day I have the thought that I need to do more but every day, it just doesn’t happen.

    • April says:

      hee hee, I suppose she isn’t force feeding me, so it IS all my fault. πŸ˜€ I made the speech at dinner last night that we were going healthy—again. Sadly, I’m doing this in retaliation to the comment on my record. I’m going to make Blunt Oncologist write down “healthy weight”. Seriously, I’m doing it for myself, but she kicked me in the rear to get started.

      • suzjones says:

        Well that’s always a good thing. It seems in my house when I decide to go healthy, it’s just little ol’ me on my lonesome that does it.

        • April says:

          Luckily, my oldest son will eat anything that is cooked for him. My husband is okay with it too, as long as he is allowed some meat. I throw in his venison and I eat veggie-burgers instead–minus the bun. It will get hard when the Wee One moves back home. He will be cooking his own meals if he won’t eat what is on the menu. πŸ™‚

          • suzjones says:

            I have the fussiest Tween alive I think. It’s very difficult at meal times. Although right now, the GG is our chief cook due to the fact that I am the breadwinner right now.

            • April says:

              Both of my sisters married men who love to cook. Even my daughter is in love with a man who loves to cook. I get the man who watches me cook and asks questions such as, don’t you find that tedious? Um…yeah, but I have to feed them. Sounds like you have a good Gnome there…a keeper!

  4. Good for you! Celebrate with some spice drops, lovely dinner, and kick ass tomorrow! Seriously. Do it. Well….because you said you would. πŸ™‚

  5. mewhoami says:

    I can’t stand when doctors beat around the bush. It’s great to hear that you’re in the clear though! Also, that you’re going to focus on what you can control. That’s a great step.

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