Oh, I have no clue because I’m writing this blog during the Oscars. Unlike football, which must be watched in real time, and even though I love Ellen Degeneres, I’m the kind to go to bed and watch the recap the next day.
I had my own little impromptu red carpet appearance–which is really our Christmas tree skirt that has been adorning the top of the dryer, since Christmas waiting to be de-cat haired. My husband
thinks knows I’m crazy, and didn’t understand that I was asking him to be my professional photographer, and that there was a reason behind my madness. (My apologies to any who suffer from mental illness, like I do. This is how I survive–it took me a while to get here–perhaps I’m feeding into the stigma, but I have to live somehow, and laughing at myself is the way I do it)
Here, we have Ms. April Momof3isnuts. She has chosen peach colored pajamas by designer Earths Angels. The same pajamas worn all day. Her hair, in the style of Bedhead, by none other by than Momof3isnuts, herself.
The accessories she chose for the day are a six-year old sweater adorned with cat hair. Jewelry in the style of simple diamond studs, presented to her by her wonderful husband.
Ha! Yes, I’m totally humiliating myself to get through the day, and to keep the promise I made to my sister. I have also come to the phase of acceptance.
Today is the first anniversary of her death. How weird does that sound? Anniversary. Is there another name for it?
She accepted her destination, and said it is what it is. She wasn’t afraid of anything except being a burden to anybody, the loss that her kids would experience, and lingering through a helpless suffering until she passed. She was the one to help my mom when my dad was suffering the end stages of Dementia. The memory was still fresh in her mind of how he wouldn’t have wanted to live his life out.
There is something I will always cherish–the private talks we had during her dialysis appointments. Her words and laughter still echo through my thoughts.
She made me promise that I would live and laugh. She thought I’m funny, and didn’t want me to lose that, she didn’t want me crying over her death. But I didn’t realize that when she left us, part of my foundation would be rocked. If she were here, she would have kicked me in my hind quarters for smothering myself in the world of depression for seven months.
I’m still living with the remnants. I’m not fulfilling my promise, but that’s okay, I am improving. I’m sure she is hanging with me today. She will undoubtedly stop by my mom’s and my younger sister’s as well.
She wasn’t an actress, but a great example of grace and courage. The award I would give her, would be My Hero award.
I miss you Barbara.