….And The Oscar Goes To?

Oh, I have no clue because I’m writing this blog during the Oscars. Unlike football, which must be watched in real time, and even though I love Ellen Degeneres, I’m the kind to go to bed and watch the recap the next day.

I had my own little impromptu red carpet appearance–which is really our Christmas tree skirt that has been adorning the top of the dryer, since Christmas waiting to be de-cat haired. My husband thinks knows I’m crazy, and didn’t understand that I was asking him to be my professional photographer, and that there was a reason behind my madness. (My apologies to any who suffer from mental illness, like I do. This is how I survive–it took me a while to get here–perhaps I’m feeding into the stigma, but I have to live somehow, and laughing at myself is the way I do it)

I tried to get the pose correct, but it was tough while trying to suck in my gut.

I tried to get the pose correct, but it was tough while trying to suck in my gut.

Here, we have Ms. April Momof3isnuts. She has chosen peach colored pajamas by designer Earths Angels. The same pajamas worn all day. Her hair, in the style of Bedhead, by none other by than Momof3isnuts, herself.

The accessories she chose for the day are a six-year old sweater adorned with cat hair. Jewelry in the style of simple diamond studs, presented to her by her wonderful husband.

Ha! Yes, I’m totally humiliating myself to get through the day, and to keep the promise I made to my sister. I have also come to the phase of acceptance.

Today is the first anniversary of her death. How weird does that sound? Anniversary. Is there another name for it?

She accepted her destination, and said it is what it is. She wasn’t afraid of anything except being a burden to anybody, the loss that her kids would experience, and lingering through a helpless suffering until she passed. She was the one to help my mom when my dad was suffering the end stages of Dementia. The memory was still fresh in her mind of how he wouldn’t have wanted to live his life out.

There is something I will always cherish–the private talks we had during her dialysis appointments. Her words and laughter still echo through my thoughts.

She made me promise that I would live and laugh. She thought I’m funny, and didn’t want me to lose that, she didn’t want me crying over her death. But I didn’t realize that when she left us, part of my foundation would be rocked. If she were here, she would have kicked me in my hind quarters for smothering myself in the world of depression for seven months.

I’m still living with the remnants. I’m not fulfilling my promise, but that’s okay, I am improving. I’m sure she is hanging with me today. She will undoubtedly stop by my mom’s and my younger sister’s as well.

She wasn’t an actress, but a great example of grace and courage. The award I would give her, would be My Hero award.

I miss you Barbara.


About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to ….And The Oscar Goes To?

  1. aviets says:

    You deserve an award today, for sure! 🙂 -Amy

  2. suzjones says:

    Such style and grace – definitely worthy of gracing the red carpet.
    You are a wonderful woman April. A women who uses humour as way of coping with the difficulties in life. Nobody would say that you are making fun of mental illness, least of all me. 🙂

    • April says:

      I don’t always see the humor in situations. My first reaction to most things is anxiety. I’m in the process of changing my thought processes, and quit taking myself so seriously. 😀

      • suzjones says:

        😀 You are succeeding and doing so well. Even in the past 6 months or so I’ve been following your blog, I have seen such amazing progress. 😀

  3. I do understand, that you miss your sister. It seems like you were close to each other. It is never nice to loose someone we love.

  4. Cathy says:

    Best dressed or best hair do…not sure which one!!! Barbara would be proud of your turn around! hugs to you today April!!!

  5. I think your sister would have enjoyed this. 🙂

  6. mewhoami says:

    Pajama pants have never looked more fashionable than they do in this picture. Plus, most people spend hours to get that straight hairdo of yours. That alone, is enough to make those other red carpet attendees jealous. 🙂

    This post showed a lot of strength. I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister, and for even having to have this anniversary in the first place. She would have loved this post. I imagine that she was watching you type it and laughing, with that unique laugh of hers. Allowing your sister to give you the gift of laughter, is the best gift that you could give her.

    • April says:

      There are days I would love to pick up the phone and hear that laugh of hers. I’m not stuck in my grief any more. I still experience it, but it’s not dragging me down. Laughing is great for picking up the sad thoughts. It’s when I dwell on those thoughts is where I get into trouble.

  7. Gallivanta says:

    Awww….love your red carpet style. And cheers to sisters who keep us smiling no matter where they may be.

  8. reocochran says:

    So very sorry about the loss of your sister. A year does not take away the pain. I have only lost my Dad and grandparents. I know I would be bereft if one of my brothers died. I would be without reason, if I lost one of my kids or grandkids. My Mom, I love her very much and am blessed that she is 86. I am realistic that she may be the one I would lose next, but still a sister! That would be so tough. You are in my prayers and you put on a brave front here! Hugs, Robin

    • April says:

      oh, there is sooo much more. I lost my brother too. I will link to a post I have going through my head, just not sure I’m ready to publish it yet.

Comments are closed.