Fighting back the sadness–that stinkin’ part of my personality I call Hagatha–can be an extreme challenge. The tears I fight to keep from spilling down my cheeks takes some serious concentration. The struggle with the intense desire to crawl up into a ball, and quit existing, becomes overwhelming.
I fill my time with tedious tasks, and distracting actions. Knitting, hanging with my cats, even stinkin’ laundry are coping mechanisms to avoid the darkness I feel creeping up–hovering on my shoulder tempting me to give up.
There are days I give up. I don’t accomplish much.
I feel guilty.
I want to go back to bed this morning. However, I will push through.
Sometimes, it’s very hard for me to maneuver through a day….if you only knew.