The Vampires in the Basement

This is going to be a random post with a couple of topics–unless I forget one of them. I also promised myself to “do” this morning, and not browse around the internet and linger in the blog world—but it is necessary to have something to do while drinking my coffee. Maybe I should make a to-do list for the day—nah.

I am seriously trying to organize my life. It’s something I have been talking about for years, probably decades. I have even blogged about it, as a form of what I call my type of exposure therapy in, Momof3isnuts Bares All. I hesitate to link back to that post, but I am exposing my bad habits in order to change them. If you were inclined to visit that post, the office shot? Way worse now. In fact, it matches my before photo a little better.

This isn’t any type of resolution, this is my determination to achieve something which will make my life easier. I keep telling myself that in the long run, I will save some time.

I have tried to make it easy, by searching for apps to keep me on task. Which is quite the distraction as well. I can’t believe how nicely this action feeds my procrastination, and my attention deficit.

I found a series of apps for meditating about Being something-or-other–BeConfident, BeHealthy, BeMotivated, BeSoundASleep. I started with the BeSoundASleep one first. I wanted a lovely, soft voice to turn off my monkey mind and lull me into a blissful sleep. The only problem—I don’t like the voice. It doesn’t relax me enough to do much of anything, sleep being a serious problem, because all that ran through my head was “ooo, I don’t like this voice”, over and over, how is that supposed to turn off my thoughts?

Anyway, when I turned on my iPad this morning, I was looking for another app intended to prod me to organize my day, and accomplish something. I had to laugh because the only one of the Be…series that I haven’t checked out, is BeClean. Ha! Maybe if the voice were like Sam Elliot’s, or George Clooney’s, I could be wooed into doing something–but this guy just doesn’t inspire me at all, and I found that I gave up on the BeClean for some reason. I can tell, because there is a dot by it indicating I haven’t opened the app yet.

The other app I found, allows me to break down my “chores” into baby tasks. The tasks interface, and update on my calendar. It creates a little nag that I have to pay attention to, since I check my calendar every day, multiple times—which may now give me the motivation to quit checking the calendar.

However, most mornings I blog about my first thought of the day. Unfortunately, I got distracted long before I reached the computer, therefore I tortured you with the second thought.

The following is my first thought of the day.

We have vampires living in the basement. Creatures who stay up all night, and sleep all day. I think. I know about the staying up all night because I hear them. I hear the sound of the microwave, so I believe they eat food to supplement the other stuff vampires feed upon. They also leave behind beer bottles for me to recycle, since I’m the only one who knows how to recycle. Maybe the word mutant is a better description. Yeah, mutant vampires.

This morning, around 3 am—I heard them. Scurrying around, foraging for food. I heard the sound of the microwave humming. And then it happened. That nagging feeling that I had to pee. It reminded me of a segment Ellen Degeneres did, about trying to fall asleep, but not being able to, due to a discussion in the brain about whether or not she actually had to get up to pee.

I didn’t want to get up, it was only 3! So I switched positions hoping that would hold, until a more decent time of the morning. But—I kept hearing the scuffling and rustling of the mutant vampires. I could no longer ignore, or sleep off what my body was trying to urge me to do.

So—I made my way to the bathroom, barely opening my eyes. My theory, is if I keep my eyes partially closed, I will fall back to sleep easier. I found the toilet, keeping my eyes mostly closed as I maneuvered around the door obstacles. I washed my hands and felt my way back to my side of the bed. Wonders of all wonders, I fell back asleep.

I expected to find the crumbs and dishes left behind by the mutant vampires, but I suppose they took them with them. When we run out of dishes, I will know where to find them. Turning on the vacuum at around — say 1 pm, should be a wonderful form of revenge. I’m going to put it on my chore app, right now. mwahaha!

Hope you find some beauty today.


About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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20 Responses to The Vampires in the Basement

  1. aviets says:

    I do that “keep the eyes closed while getting up to pee” thing too – it does tend to work! And we’re having the same vampire issue at our house. I wake up in the morning to find shoes, blankets, computers and cords, remotes, and dishes strewn about. I’m 100% certain our vampires are both male, and have no concept of tidying up a room before you leave it. A discussion is overdue. -Amy

  2. mewhoami says:

    Those vampires can sure be messy. The meditating apps sound interesting. I might have to look into that. As far as chores go, I make a list the night before of everything that I need to accomplish the following day. With a list, I find that it’s easier to get everything done. So, your chores app sounds like a great tool..

    • April says:

      I wish I were so motivated to make a list the night before. My problem would probably turn out to have anxiety over the list which would keep me awake.

  3. L. Palmer says:

    Maybe the vampires downstairs have magical powers to effect your need to use the restroom in the middle of the night?

  4. suzjones says:

    Ha ha. I do that too… the whole keeping putting off getting up to pee and then you really have to so you keep your eyes pretty much closed (I also don’t turn on lights) so that you can back to sleep quicker. Too funny!!
    Hope you get your revenge on the vampires!

  5. Oh April! I have those types of vampires living in my house too. I turn off the air con so it becomes too hot for them to sleep in past midday.

  6. reocochran says:

    The funniest part of this, for me, is the way you kept your eyes partly closed, I have even kept mine fully closed, walking like a vampire or a ghost with my hands feeling the way, since I hate to wake up to use the bathroom. I, like you, think by positioning my body, I may be able to squeeze it tighter, hope that it not too graphic! I enjoyed this all, and hope that you get organized, that the vampires quit keeping you awake and that the vacuum cleaner scares them away! Great revenge plot! Smiles, robin

  7. I love this post, I can relate to it so much. I have tried the ‘Smiling Mind’ app, which I find helps, and the voice isn’t making you think about it the whole time you are listening, give it a try and let me know what you think?

  8. Gallivanta says:

    Ah, I know that vampire problem well but the vampires are reasonably well housed trained at the moment 🙂

    • April says:

      Lucky you! I’m wondering what I have done wrong as a parent. This vampire just graduated from college, is supposed to be looking for a job, but has done nothing but create a mess. So far, he’s lucky that I just close the basement door. 🙂

  9. Pingback: Fellow Blogger – April from Finding Beauty in Spite of Myself | It Goes On

  10. Okay, so none of us must open our eyes when we pee at night. And like Sue, I don’t turn the light on either, because if I do happen to open my eyes and they readjust then I can’t make it back to the bedroom without killing myself. And the peeing thing is becoming more and more of a problem. When I was a teenager I could sleep for 13 hours and not have to get up–not anymore!

    • April says:

      I don’t turn on the light either. Not because it will blind me, and I can’t find my way back. I don’t want the light to wake me up. 🙂 Seriously, do our bladders shrink when we get older? My doctor gave me a lesson on ‘the aging bladder’. It was interesting, but I don’t want to hear it.

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