Guess what I found myself doing yesterday? Googling cancer statistics. Why? Was I trying to make my mind dip into a depression since I’m feeling good? Oh what a tangled web I weave.
I usually check the National Cancer Society’s or the National Institute of Health’s sites and that’s about it. I look around for published papers but they are far out of date.
You know what? The most current information I could find was a paper written in 2007. I already read that information in 2011 when I was diagnosed with lung cancer.
In five days I reach the anniversary of the surgery to remove a bit of cancerous material from my lung.
My fifth anniversary!
But what happens now. Doctors can’t say I’m cured because they can’t see into the future. Research papers and studies have not had the chance to continue long enough for results. I suppose it depends upon when actual lung cancer research began. I won’t preach again but lung cancer research isn’t well funded.
I knew the rate was 67% of all stage 1a lung adenocarcinomas would still be alive at the five year mark. I was one of the 67%.
What happens at the ten year mark? Do my chances of survival or recurrence increase or decrease? Each year that goes by do I say, “whew, another year down”? Is the survival rate at 10 years 62% or 72%? Do the chances for survival increase or decrease 1% for each year with no detectable disease. Or, do they increase or decrease by .01%.
But none of that type of thinking is good for me. Nobody really knows when they are going to die, and that includes me.
AND…..”whew, another year down”? What a skewed way of thinking.
These thoughts rambling around in my mind are just not right. I know I have to live each moment and be thankful I get up every morning…..and I am.
So, again, why do I have this part of self-destructive thoughts preventing me from moving forward. Just as eating healthy and exercising, why am I doing this to myself?
I know I will find my answers in my mind—probably in the middle of a sleepless night.
Today, I’m cancer free, and for that I’m thankful.
Just dumping negative thoughts today.