My favorite flower is a native to the southeast of the United States. It has a fancy-schmanzy botanical name, but is commonly called the Southern Magnolia. I wonder how “they” arrived at that name ;)
I pass by a magnolia tree when I must leave the house, but it’s in a blind spot on a curve in the road. It would be hard to photograph without trespassing, or to be run over by a car.
Ha! That’s partially untrue. I have not felt the photography bug lately. One of the byproducts of depression and/or the medications to manage it. However, I am fighting to move through the thievery of what I enjoy.
I can only do so much, and I’m trying to take it one step at a time in order to avoid the frustration, and choosing to give up–because giving up is an easier route.
The trespassing and the safety issues from the road, are true.
Anyway, this is one of the flowers I can honestly say is my favorite. Against the dark green color of the leaves, the creamy white blossoms are a vision to behold.
I said I would not write about my depression, but yeah, there are some things to share with the “normals”. Perhaps it will help someone understand what a friend or loved one may be experiencing. I am neither writing for encouragement, pity, or praise. This is simply an example–dear weedhoppers. :D
Most likely, more than a few people enjoy the changes of the seasons. Changes in seasons are spectacular. The beautiful colors of Autumn leaves. The quietness of newly fallen Winter snow. The Spring regeneration of life. The warmth of Summer heat. Maybe some of us only have a difference between hot and not-so-hot, or rainy and not-so-rainy, but they are seasons?
To a person suffering from any sort of mental illness/disease, change is difficult. In my experience, routine is soothing. But then I have perfectionist traits, and change screws with my visions of what I expect to be perfect. Add to that, attention deficit disorder, and I have the makings of a perfect storm.
Changes come from all directions at times. I experienced too many major life changes, loss of loved ones, and a change in health–within too short of a time frame. An extreme abundance of change before I could catch my breath and rebound from each one.
I reached a point of major defeat. Due to my predisposition to depression and anxiety, my mind wanted to escape in any way I could find. I gave in to the darkness of depression because I was too tired to continue the fight.
I know–get knocked down over and over, but we should continue to get back up. That isn’t possible to a person suffering from a mental illness. Standing back up doesn’t mean our minds are immediately transformed into a positive mind state. We are fighting inside, and all the positive thoughts in the world will not change a depressive mind state.
Setbacks are a different story. Deep depression, no. Positive thinking cannot bring a person out of depression. I haven’t found it possible.
If someone has had a clinical diagnosis of depression (not just sadness for a couple of days), experienced an episode, and “thought” their way out of it, I would seriously be interested in the technique used. I tried VERY hard to bring myself up with positive affirmations. I looked in the mirror and said them. I read them. I listened to tapes of affirmations (ooops, had to edit here because I am dating myself….I listened to CD’s, or recordings). Nothing worked for me until I sought professional help and the proper medications. (okay, I’m regurgitating words)
Running is useless–whatever we are running from will, no doubt, finally catch up. Eventually, we grow up and have to face life head-on because with adulthood comes responsibilities.
Logically, I know that without change and diversity, life would become extremely boring. Emotionally, change attacks my mental strength. Adjusting is a fight–even when I know it’s coming and I look forward to it. My mind spins, and I feel physically ill.
I have chosen to continue the fight because I know I will be successful. I have to take care of myself because I know that I have a funky tormentor lurking in the back of my mind, waiting for a weak spot in my defenses. While change diverts my attention, my focus is still on recovery.
Giving up is not an option for me.